Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
