Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just found puke in my bra..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
