tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
