Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
