I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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