Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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