I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
