I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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