I'm passing your future prison.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
