just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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