Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize