so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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