So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
