I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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