Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
