i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
