I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
