it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize