You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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