Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
