just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
