so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
