help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I CAN MOONWALK!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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