It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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