Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
