so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
