Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
