I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
