good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
