so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
