on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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