How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
