he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
