The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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