it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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