Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
