You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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