I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
