so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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