I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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