I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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