I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
