i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
