I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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