I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
