She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
