Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
