I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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