I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
