I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
