Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
