Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
