like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
