Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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