We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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