haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My feet surprised me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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