I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
