He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
