The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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