She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
