You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
