Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
