He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
