so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
