Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
