May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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