Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
