And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize