you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
