Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
