Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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