i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
